This week’s Savage Love is a special all-BDSM edition. If you love Dan Savage’s sex advice as much as I do, then you won’t want to miss his advice on kink. He covers sensitive subjects: what to do when you’re kinky with a vanilla husband; dealing with the fallout after a kinky, poly relationship goes wrong; how to find a Femdom (or bring out the inner Domme in a girl who doesn’t know it yet); and what to do when you’re a “lipstick lesbian” who wants to explore BDSM with other feminine lesbians. Even if Dan didn’t cover something that you can apply to your own life in this column, why not write to him with your own question?

Author: Corva Siouan

We don’t know about you, but the classic image of a Thanksgiving turkey all trussed up and juicy, waiting for you to dig in, sometimes reminds us of another kind of trussing. Maybe we’re the only ones whose minds jump to kinky uses for twine, but we don’t think so. In fact, we have proof that we aren’t: when we found this YouTube video, as soon as we stopped wetting ourselves laughing we knew there was no way we’d ever be able to avoid getting horny at the sight of a turkey in the grocery store ever again. Can you appreciate the appetizing sight of a bird tightly trussed and waiting for you to eat her? We’re talking about the wingless, featherless kind of bird, naturally, although we wouldn’t be surprised to learn there are a few of you out there who like the idea of putting your girl in a turkey costume.

As a public service, we thought this would be as good a time as any to point out that there are several helpful videos in our theater for those who have never actually tied anyone up before. No, we’re not just talking about tying your girlfriend’s wrists to the headboard, although that certainly can be fun. There’s a lot you can do with rope, including the beautiful Japanese art of shibari, but that’s not for beginners. We know that not everyone has mastered rope work, but you have to start somewhere if it’s something you want to try. Lucky for you, it’s a great time to start learning the art of bondage compared to, say, 10 years ago in those days before video on demand and high-speed Internet connections were commonplace. Instructional videos are a great way to learn basic techniques and be aroused at the same time, so go buy yourself a few yards of rope at your hardware or home improvement store of choice – nylon is basic and usually the cheapest. Then check out the education we can offer you on your computer screen. You will learn where never to put the rope (the neck is off limits), how tight is too tight (you should be able to stick a finger underneath), and different configurations to use.

There’s probably nobody out there who has done more to educate the world in all things sexual than Nina Hartley. We’ve mentioned Nina a lot in our articles, but that’s because we can never recommend her instructional videos enough. A porn legend who’s been in the industry for about as long as the Video Music Awards have been on MTV, she’s still hot and still loves getting kinky. With Nina Hartley’s Guide to Bondage Sex, she and her husband, director Ernest Green, joined forces with bondage expert Claire Adams to put together a great beginner’s video for Adam & Eve. Nina knows that, although she’s done a lot in her career and personal life, sometimes it’s best to bring in an authority. You can see examples of Claire’s expertise as a bondage rigger at her website. Together, Nina and Claire have enough knowledge of kink to fill a couple of library shelves. If you’re looking for a video that will introduce you to bondage specifically designed to “facilitate sexual pleasure,” as Nina puts it, you’re in the right place.

Nina and Claire have excellent company. Sex guru/ director Tristan Taormino got together with bondage expert and author Mistress Midori to make Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage for Vivid Entertainment’s instructional-only Vivid Ed line. Apart from learning the mechanics of tying up your partner, you’ll also learn about different materials that are good to use as well as how to communicate each other’s kinky fantasies. Unique to this video, as far as we know, is the best chance to learn how to create Midori’s signature “vibrator bondage harness,” which sounds so hot we can hardly wait to get home and try it ourselves. The fact that Midori and Tristan decided to use Adrianna Nichole and her perfectly hourglass-shaped body to demonstrate in one scene and the equally hot redhead Madison Young in the other does not hurt one bit! This just might be the ultimate sensual bondage instructional video, but we know some of you would like to learn about how to do it a little more hardcore.

Learning the Ropes from Nylonknots.com not only shows you how bondage is done, but also goes into gagging and domination. There’s some creative use of pantyhose that should please those who have a nylon fetish. Check out How to Perform Rope Bondage from OSK Productions for further education in a slightly rougher form of bondage. It goes into more complex rope work than most of the other films, so even those of you with a little experience could benefit from it. Michael Kahn Productions puts out some great bondage flicks, so it’s great to see that they recruited rope master/photographer Steven Speliotis for The Sensual Art of Rope. At just over half an hour, it’s the shortest video here but there’s a lot of education packed into a short time.

Videos are an excellent tool, but for those who prefer books, there’s plenty to help you learn beginner, intermediate, and advanced bondage techniques in our online shop. If you’re looking for a comprehensive guide to bondage, including what kind of rope to use and how to care for it, you need The Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman. Bondage for Sex by expert bondage rigger Chanta Rose teaches rope bondage that’s safe for couples to use during sex and includes models that are sexually and ethnically diverse. Two Knotty Boys are among the most famous bondage experts, and we have two of their books. Showing You the Ropes is designed for you to learn at your own pace, even setting the book next to you and following along. Back On the Ropes is an essential guide to 61 different knots and how to apply them to everything from decorative to functional ties – useful whether you’re a newbie or an expert. Midori’s The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage is a beautifully designed book on shibari for those who want something more exotic and advanced.

Bondage can be as simple or as elaborate as you want it to be, and it can be done as an art or as part of the old in-out. If you’re willing to learn, then you could spend this Thanksgiving holiday learning to truss up your girl just like your holiday feast and working off some of those calories. Why not tie up your favorite bird and use some gravy as a festive, delicious touch?

Caravaggio's The Flagellation of Christ

Radio Dentata host Tiki Pavelle had a guest on her show, “Brutally Honest Interviews,” who posited that Christianity is a “confirmation” of the BDSM lifestyle.

Consider John Deckenbach, CEO of the sadism & masochism content provider for adult websites, Dungeon Corp. In an interview with Tiki, he says Christians need to get a life. They worship a naked man nailed to a cross, bleeding and suffering who’s been flogged. And they believe his pain washes away their sins.

”That is the thesis of bondage,” he says. ”That putting someone else through pain fixes you.”

According to John, Jesus is a masochist. ”He suffered and died for other people” and God is a sadist. If that weren’t enough to make his point John went on to say ”Read the book of Job. God is the master. Job is the slave.”

Job loses everything including his faith, endures a huge amount of suffering then comes back around to God. God rewards him, giving Job everything he had before several times over.

”It’s almost like what we do in an S&M scene. Punish, punish, punish,” continued John. ”The slaves get upset because they’ve been put through a regimen of pain and suffering. Then you give them pleasure. Suddenly, there’s your happy slave again.”

Read the full article here. You know, I’m not a Christian, but I’ve made the same connection. It’s an idea that will make one unpopular in certain circles, but then what else is new?

Those of you with keen eyes may have noticed a little change in the top banner of the fetish blog. What was Quips & Chains is now Social Kink Presents Quips & Chains.  Nothing else has changed, except cosmetically. The company that owns Quips & Chains also owns Social Kink, for which I write. Social Kink is about to be formally launched, at Skin 2, in London. No, I’m not going to that one, alas, although I will be at Domcon Atlanta.  All that need concern my loyal readers (both of you… I make mit der joking) is the Video On Demand Theater. From this point forward I will be linking all my movies to Social Kink’s VOD Theater. No worries. It’s the same theater with the same 50,000 movies, just a different URL in the link. Fear not. You won’t even notice the difference.  Ok? Ok!

 Kinks:  Everybody’s got one, or at least that’s my thought on the matter. The problem is that, from my experience, most people don’t even know it, or at the very least, are scared to admit it. See, the world of fetish is kind of shrouded in mystery for most people, maybe even yourself. Hell, we have enough trouble talking about regular old vanilla sex in this fuckin’ country without adding in handcuffs and ball gags. It’s even worse for women. Even in 2007, should a woman admit in mixed company that she likes for her husband to pull her hair when they have sex, it’s like putting a big, red neon sign above her head that reads, “slut.”

Even with that being the case, I’m almost convinced that pretty much everyone has some kind of kink. Now, for the sexually undereducated, I’m not saying that everyone in the world wants to dress up in leather and had have a car battery hooked up to his or her nipple rings or some such nonsense. Instead, what I’m saying is that I believe that everyone has something that’s just off the beaten path, if not something that is by nature nonsexual, that arouses him or her. And it can be anything, really. From feathers to bullwhips, cotton panties to latex body suits, naughty nurse role-play to full on Dominance/submission, there are a million things out there that can get you hot and bothered.

Before I go further, I want to explain why I choose to use the word kink more often here than the word fetish. By all established definitions, the term fetish is reserved for non-sexual fixations that must be present in order for that person to be sexually gratified. It’s a heavy term, man. In fact, it really indicates a form of sexual disorder rather than something fun or positive. Now kink, on the other hand, though only loosely defined by dictionaries and always designated as slang, doesn’t seem quite as weighty. Ya know, can’t ya just hear someone saying in an excited voice, “Ooooh! Isn’t that kinky?” Just doesn’t conjure the image a dungeon with some hairy, sweaty Master type in an executioners hood patrolling his dungeon full of emaciated slaves wallowing in their own filth, does it?

Instead, I’m thinking of just some little thing, that in nature has nothing to do with the genitals or sex inherently that just kinda gets yer motor running. For instance, one of the things that has become kind of popular lately is women wearing glasses. This is evident in several new porn series like Specs Appeal. It’s just something playful and interesting that can be sexy. Hell, as I’ve said in the past, I have my own kinks!

“But why does everyone have to have a kink?” you might be asking yourself. Well, I don’t suppose one has to have one, I just see it to be quite likely. Ya see, the human brain, which is what controls our sexuality after all (not our genitals), is a very, very complex organ. It’s capable of amazing things, especially when compared to our cousins in the mammalian class of animals. Unlike, say, a dog, we are capable of complex emotions, choices of foods, whether to attempt conception or to simply enjoy sex without reproducing, innovate and improve our quality of life rapidly, etc. The list is endless, so I’ll spare you. My point is why wouldn’t the average, highly complex human brain just kind of take something around us and make it inspire sexual feelings? Take for instance, a nurse’s uniform, something I mentioned earlier. Now in our minds, what does a nurse represent? Nurses represent personal caregiving to a person that is sick or injured. They take care of us. No doubt, that inspires feelings of adoration at times. It’s well documented. It also inspires a certain sense of submission, seeing as the patient is would not be capable of asserting dominance in such a weakened condition. So, this naturally lends itself towards something intimate, not unlike sex. See what I’m getting at? Another example might be something like red lipstick. Any idea why that might elicit sexual feelings? If not, just think about this- warm, red, lips. If you’re still clueless, just think about some other part of the anatomy that when aroused, becomes red, plump, and also has lips.

When I asked my friend, Carl Hungus, who writes the fetish blog QuipsAndChains.com his thoughts on the topic, he responded by saying:

“Given the complexity of the human psyche, and the seeming limitless expanse of the imagination, I think it should be accepted as given that everyone has something that turns them on High. You may not know what it is. You may never know. It may be something as mundane as paprika on a hard-boiled egg. It may be as hardcore as yearning to live in a cage as a piece of filth sub. We humans are animals. At no time is that more self evident than when aroused. You know (I hope, dear reader) how it feels when your partner is panting and wild eyed, like a spooked horse, and begs/orders (whatever your kink, baby) you to, “Fuck me! Fuck me hard. FUCK ME!!” Hell yes, I’ll fuck you. You asked for it, you dirty slut. … Sorry, I, uh, got into character. The point is that our humanity is just a little turkey slice of forebrain. That’s it. The rest of the hardware we share w/ our animal cousins. As Robert Anton Wilson just spoke, in my headphones, “What the front brain knows does not control you at all.”

And I think that just about sums it up.

So next time you see a high-heeled shoe, a leather motorcycle jacket, a razor blade, a giant stuffed polar bear, or even a doughnut, just think to yourself, “I wonder if that would feel good.”

You just might surprise yourself.

  AMEN!
 

What is it about ropes?  When we joke about bondage, we say whips and chains.  However, when we consider bondage, do we not all think of rope?  Rope transcends gender, sexuality, and polarity.  Tops and bottoms love to be tied, or to tie.  The act is complete in itself.  Anything that happens after the knots are finished is up to the people involved. The experience is universal.  Tying someone nicely takes a great deal of both time and concentration.  I think, perhaps, it’s time for us to shed the polarities (dualities) of traditional D/s, and accept that sexuality (the experience of sex in the field of time) is much more fluid than simple Top/Bottom.  It can be said that the effort of tying someone shibari style is a submissive act, as it is (in some way) done in service to the (desires of the) person being tied. What do you think? 

 

Simultaneously, I was looking at a college humor site, Gin & Jews, looking for pics to show on Funny Extreme. I noticed, amid all the drunk pics, about 5% of the pictures were of girls peeing. “Hmm,” said the fetish writer to the humorist. “Methinks I see an example of Kink in the Mainstream.”  So, I crossed the streams and put the fetish porn on the humor site, and humor pics on the fetish site. It felt right. So look at these pictures of drunk girls peeing, and ask yourself why they are considered college humor, when there are hundreds of Pay-Per-View movies with the same content, but in a fetish porn category? Often  when confronted with something that rattles our cages, or jingles our bells, we say, “That’s silly.” when we really mean, “That is so fucking hot.” How come?

  

I really can’t complain about my job. I write a fetish blog, a brand new humor site, a babe blog, and the occasional spot on an adult industry insider site. Work is cool, chill, and pretty low key. It’s surprising how normal the porn industry is. There may be more piercings, tats, and t-shirts, than the local branch office, but the work is pretty much the same. I come in, in the morning, coffee in hand, and start site checking. That’s exactly what it sounds like. I go through the minutiae of our (AEBN) erotica sites, Lusty Library, and Sticky Pen, and look for bugs. The programmers have been known to dink around on the back end of things, and mess up the front (what you see). After about 30-45 minutes of click, click, click, click, I open up my email and IM programs and plug in to the rest of the company.
There’s chit chat about last night’s television (OMG can you believe Melinda got voted off Idol?), movies, life, and then to work. Work means, in regards to Quips & Chains, that I first decide what fetish to focus upon. Then I search my files for material to post. I can’t just grab pics willy-nilly that often. I usually need to use a site with which we are affiliated (good), or we own (better). These pics are linked (usually) to what are called FHGs (Free Hosted Galleries), which are the sample platters in the Hickory Farms that is the porn world. These galleries have unique codes, in their URLs, that let the site owner know who sent you there. That way, if you like what you see, and sign up, we get a taste. Then of course there’s the VOD (Video On Demand) Theater , which is a unique portal to the real purpose of Quips And Chains, which is to sell movies. That’s fine. I am given a lot of freedom with this site, and I appreciate it. That freedom is purchased with results. Hence all the links you see in this text. So, I write a blog about a given fetish, today it was Stockings, and pepper it with pics, and links, and a VOD plug. You read it, click the pics, and enough of you watch a vid, or join a site, to keep me in business. Thanks! I also spend time on the various MySpace and xPeeps accounts I have (one for each site I have). Then I eat lunch, listen to headphones, write more, have a meeting or two, and go home. Then I get up, and do it again. Ta-Da!

So. for the good of children everywhere. For the good of Freedom. For the good of America…. here is a sexy boob. God Bless.

So, as kink becomes mainstream, we representatives of kink must walking blinkingly into the light of acceptance. As latex fetishes become the social equivalent of stamp collecting, or scrapbooking, then must we shed the aura of the Forbidden? Part of being into a kinky little scene, is the naughtiness of it. If it’s not cool, then do we still do it? If you saw your parents involved in bloodplay, would you throw out your fangs, and drop the -zrael from your name? Some would, to be sure. Some would move on down the road, into the next kink down the line. But some would do it, even if it was more common and accepted than holding hands. The fact is, as we evolve sexually as individuals, experimenting and trying things out, networking with similar people… so too our society evolves, and sexuality sheds the skin of Church mandated Sinfulness, and people are free to pursue their happiness, vouchsafed more than 200 years ago by these guys.

Women can dress in rubber, Trent Reznor , Anders Manga, and Maynard from Tool can continue w/ the creepy videos. It’s all good. You have the right to pleasure. Very libertarian. Also very Hermetic (Do what thou wilt…). Since you have a right to pleasure, and a right to share it, or flaunt it, or celebrate it, to whatever degree you wish, to a point. You can’t wear assless rubber chaps to work, but you can certainly find enough sources online, that you can honest shop around. And the mailman won’t look at you funny, or make you come downtown to sign a loyalty oath. Society inches ever forward, toward the acceptance of pleasure as a right. You can buy a personal massager (wink wink) at Wal-Mart, or any department store. You can buy warming sex lube at the pharmacy, by the condoms, and austere, metal tubes of K-Y Jelly.

Yay Fetish people. Yay Internet! Yay Quips Chains Fetish Blog for singlehandedly changing the world!

You’re welcome! Now go play.